What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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