Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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