Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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