just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize