drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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