it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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