No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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