If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Randomize