it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize