Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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