dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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