dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
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He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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