well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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