She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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