ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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