By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
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Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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