After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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