Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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