We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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