but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize