he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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