i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
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I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
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At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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