somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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