I haven't been this sober since birth.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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