6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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