i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize