I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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