My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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