so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize