I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I smell like Dick and happiness
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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