i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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