I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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