I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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