I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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