god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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