You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
not ubering you a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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