My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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