Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
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Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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