he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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