Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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