you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize