yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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