I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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