I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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