is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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