He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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