Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize