You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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