I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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