i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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